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These people didnt have a clue what my life was like - how could they?

But they were, at least, more realistic than a certain well-known, widely-published Christian author who wrote about how to be a good Christian.

Because I chose to stay up late playing computer games; so that hopefully he would soon fall asleep, and we could thus avoid our usual confrontation about the other purpose for the bedroom.

Because I was a Christian I always said yes when he got one of his urges - but so often the yes came through gritted teeth.

All the books I read about How To Win Your Husband To Christ were written by godly, spiritual women, who were happily married to CHRISTIAN husbands.

And people like me who had deliberately chosen to marry outside of the will of God, were regarded and treated as carnal, worldly, second-class Christians. Ive changed names in this webpage so I can give you the plain unvarnished truth, without exaggeration and without concealing my failings.

These kinds of verses only fueled my anger, so I conveniently ignored the other part of verse 32: just as in Christ God forgave you." Bob never expressed any affection for me. Naturally it was all my husbands fault - he was the one making me miserable, wasnt he? And Christ said in Matthew Every Mothers Day (or so it seemed to me) at Church, the message was based on Proverbs 31 - The Ideal Wife and Mother.

I was going to say that the way this situation came about doesnt really matter. (Ive explained why my self-esteem was so crushed, in My Stormy Relationship with God.) I had no idea that it is so possible to be lonely within marriage. The first thing I had to do was admit to God that I had sinned in marrying Bob. When they found out that they had actually DISOBEYED God, they were in a quandary. So I realized that God expected me to stay married. Over and over again I had to go to Psalm 62:8 One school principal, when I used to take a problem to him, would say, Leave it with me - Ill attend to it.My relationship with my husband had to be worked on continually; and so did my relationship with my God. And so the days of disharmony and distress dragged on. I flatly refused to say things like I wish youd never been born! A man on a desert island can expect to feel lonely, because he is deprived of human companionship. At a personal level I meant nothing to the one I was now united to for life!I was only a possession - required to be at his beck and call. The only time either of us got any attention from Bob was when we werent performing properly. I snapped back, Providing he is getting his own way!I found my marriage to be a disaster instead of a delight. God had warned him NOT to make a peace treaty with the men from Gibeon.In my webpage, Looking For Love, I listed many of the difficulties that occurred in my life during almost 40 years of marriage to a man who ignored God, as well as a few more that could well have happened. But Joshua, and the men of Israel, were tricked into doing that very thing, because they forgot to check it out properly with the Lord first.

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